Why am I such a people pleaser?

I want people to like me. Most times, I want people to like me so badly that I change things about my personality to suit those around me. Then, people aren’t seeing the real me. They’re seeing the person I think they want to see.

I also want people to be happy. I’m never truly happy myself, but it’s important for people around me to be happy. Being worried about my own happiness seems wrong. I focus on other people’s happiness and I don’t worry about mine. That is usually the case until I’m in a deep, dark, depression so low, I can’t worry about anything but myself.

You know who I thought was funny? Robin Williams. He was funny all the time and made everyone around him laugh and feel good. Turns out, he was one of the saddest people alive. It’s horrible to think about how someone who seemed to be filled with such joie de vivre could be depressed enough to take their own life.

Do people-pleasers make everyone around them feel better because they feel so unhappy in their own lives? Are my own shortcomings and insecurities so great, that I go out of my way to look for ways to make others feel better about themselves?

Here’s an interesting article I found about people-pleasers.

While I do agree with some of the things in the article I’ve posted above, I don’t agree with everything. I am able to say no and I do quite often. Also, I don’t pretend to agree with everyone. If I don’t agree, I’m quite vociferous in expressing myself.

I do, however, apologize often; even for things that aren’t my fault. I often feel burdened about the things I have to do for others. I often remark, “always something to do, just never for myself”. I am uncomfortable with people who are angry with me and I go out of my way to avoid confrontation.

I also don’t understand what could have set me on this path. There are times in my life when I felt maltreated. Those may have been the catalysts that set me on this path. I wish I could pinpoint the exact thing that turned me into this people pleaser. Maybe it wasn’t a single thing. It could have been a lot of little things that added up to this one big thing. That’s the thing about psychology, it’s the brain thinking about the brain. No one really understands it all 100%.