I’m sitting here in the local Dunkin’ Donuts shop again sipping something with too much sugar in it and using the free wi-fi while my 14-year-old daughter attends her three hour dance class next door. This happens every Wednesday and Friday night from 5:30-8:30-ish. Well, not every week, I mean sometimes I mix it up and go to the McDonald’s up the street for nuggets and free wi-fi. Sometimes I sit in the car and read, listen to music, or use the free wi-fi from there. Sometimes, my wife takes her to dance class and I stay home by myself.
Home is too far away to go back while she’s in class and then come back to pick her up afterwards. There isn’t much else to do in this town but sit in one of the places that offers free wi-fi and relatively inexpensive treats you can sip on or nibble so the workers there don’t give you side-eye for loitering or being a weirdo.
I’m really proud of my daughter, she’s an amazing dancer, but I feel like the requirements that we place on our kids nowadays are just too much. She goes to school all day until 3:00pm, gets home on the bus around 3:45, then has until 5:30 to unwind, do any homework that needs doing, and get ready for class before we’re walking out the door to dance class. There isn’t time for dinner and I’m not stupid enough to think that homework is actually getting done during that time. I’m sure the home work is either not getting done at all, or it’s getting done on the ride to school. When she’s done with dance class, we’re 20 minutes from home, so it’s almost 9pm by the time we get back and get any type of nourishment into her. That’s if we don’t just get her something sugary or deep-fried from the place that either my wife or I are sitting in waiting for her class to finish.
This time of year, on two other nights per week and once on the weekend, she has indoor color guard practice. Between now and the beginning of May, she’ll have performed in six to eight different indoor color guard competitions across the Eastern Shore of Maryland, Virginia, Delaware, and even as far away as Pennsylvania. My wife is the director/coach, so she goes to all the events as well, and I’m usually in tow.
As a family, we have one night per week that there is nothing going on at all. We have one free-day on the weekends when nothing is happening. Mostly, those singular days are used to catch up on things around the house that need to be done. Bills need paid, meals need prepped, maintenance needs done on the house and the vehicles, dishes need washed, and cleaning up whatever mess our frantic lives has left behind in a pile on the kitchen table, on the floor, or some other horizontal surface of our home.
The reason I’m telling you about all this is because I’ve recently realized I don’t look at things through the perspective of my family as often as I should. I have to constantly remind myself that not everything is about me; I’m not the center of attention, I don’t want to be, nor do I pretend to be. Now if I could just get my ego to realize that fact without any prompting.
My family is amazing! I love them with all of my heart, and I’m so happy to be home with them every night. There have been countless times during my 21+ years of Naval service that I wasn’t able to be home.
It’s odd that I have a difficult time remembering that I have to do things they enjoy even though I may not. With all the sacrifices I’ve had to make over the years, one would think I’d never get upset with my family at all.
The horrible truth is that I’m selfish. I like me-time, I like doing things that I enjoy, and I become upset when my expectations aren’t met or when they’re infringed upon.
Doing things you enjoy doing is one of the simpler joys of life. Doing things you enjoy with others is even better. Doing things that others enjoy, and doing things for others, selflessly and unconditionally, is difficult but it’s the best thing of all; nothing worthwhile is ever easy. It may not be something I want to do, or enjoy doing, but it is something they want to do, and they have asked me to be there with them. I can either do it, make the best of it, and enjoy the time together, or I can complain about having to be there and drive a wedge between my family and me.
My wife has an interesting outlook on how most people treat family and how they should treat family. She says that most people treat their family like crap because they’re your family and you can get away with it; they have to love you no matter what. We agree that people should treat their families better than they treat other people because they’re family and they deserve to be loved.
Family is hard! Keeping things in perspective is difficult and requires constant effort. But these are the things that are worth more than all the simple pleasures in life combined. One the bright side, I’ve had the time tonight to put thoughts together, gain some well-seasoned perspective, and write this blog post. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know by hitting the like button and giving me your comments below.
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44272/the-road-not-taken
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.” ~~Robert Frost
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