Eric’s Blog

Things have changed since I graduated from high school.  In a struggle to maintain control over the student body, the administration and faculty of my alma mater threatened us with the withholding of our diplomas for the slightest infraction.  For example, a girl I went to school with tried to wear the fluorescent orange Birkenstocks that she was infamous for with her regalia, and she was told no.  If she wore them to commencement, she wouldn’t receive her diploma.  During rehearsal, we were warned not to throw our caps, or we wouldn’t get our diplomas.  The administration and faculty got away with this because they just handed a rolled-up blank piece of paper.  We wouldn’t receive our actual diplomas until after the ceremony had ended without incident, we turned in our gowns, and our school accounts were verified as balanced.

The ceremony we attended was incredibly different than my experience.  At the beginning of any gathering of people in the United States of America, The National Anthem is supposed to be observed.  The Pledge of Allegiance is recited at the beginning of Congressional sessions and many local government and private meetings.  The flag of the United States of America was hanging on the wall of the gymnasium at this graduation but The National Anthem nor The Pledge of Allegiance was observed.  There are only four states in our country that do not require The Pledge of Allegiance to be recited daily, Virginia is not one of them.  Still, there was no patriotism for the United States at this public-school graduation ceremony.  It’s as though patriotism for the United States has become a taboo.

The faculty entered the room to The Imperial March by John Williams.  When I was in school, there were a few teachers I had no love for, but since this was supposed to be a formal occasion, I was surprised this was how the ceremony began.  It was as if the teachers were storm troopers, inquisitors, or the enemy of the student body instead of the advisors and educators they’re supposed to be.  The teachers remained standing as the students processed into the gymnasium to Pomp and Circumstance, but no one else stood to recognize their presence.  That is about the place where all the pomp ended.

The students decorated their caps with stickers and slogans like, “Get in loser, we’re doing graduation stuff”, “Crop Duster”, and the like.  Tassels were worn by the honor graduates and stoles were worn by anyone who wanted to wear one.  Students who’d been admitted into the National Honors Society wore their respective stoles, while students who joined the US Marines wore stoles that showed they had volunteered for service following graduation.  Students that wanted to show off their cultural or national pride did so by wearing stoles with the colors and patterns of their selected culture or nation.  There was even one student who wore a stole advertising her “Black Girl Magic” although I’m not sure how that affected her education or post-education plans in any relevant way.  Maybe she’s going to take up an apprenticeship in the Magic Castle in California, but I doubt it.  Kids had blue hair, red hair, or green hair.  Some were wearing sneakers, some had dress shoes, but no socks underneath, some had bow ties, some had neckties, and some had no tie at all.  All the girls carried a single, red rose but the boys carried nothing.  It reminded me more of a fashion show than it did a graduation exercise.

I know I sound like the proverbial grumpy old man or curmudgeon, but I’ve softened my opinion on some of these things recently.  Kids need to make their own mistakes to learn for themselves.  We can’t constantly hover over them telling them to do this but not that.  All that teaches kids is that someone will be there to make decisions for them.  Kids want to show off their individuality. It’s difficult to stand out on a planet of seven billion TikTok influencers.  If they want to have green hair, let them, it doesn’t hurt anyone.  They may look back on photos of their graduation and regret their decision, but who hasn’t done that?  I recently saw a photo me and my classmates in eighth grade gym class where we had to learn square dancing.  Acid wash jeans that were tight-rolled at the ankle, big-hair, neon-colored shirtsؙ—we were all dorks.  Only hindsight gives us the ability to look back, shake our heads and say, “What was I thinking?!”  There is a limit to what I’m willing to allow my child to decide for themself.  For instance, I promise that my child will never have a tattoo until she is old enough to make that decision for herself.  Then, like all decisions, she’ll have to live with the consequences of her decision.  It’s difficult for me to see so many children that have either persuaded their parents to allow them to get tattoos, or that they got the tattoos without their parents’ permission.    

Kids are kids, and as I said, there’s not much you can do about kids.  Maybe that’s why I always say, “Some peoples’ kids…” while shaking my head when I see someone behaving poorly.  It’s easy to see where kids get their personalities, quirks, and foibles from when you look at their parents.  The assistant principal asked the audience to refrain from chanting, cheering, or clapping until after all the students’ names were read and the principal confirmed the graduates.  That lasted through three names, then cheers and claps started coming from the far corners of the gymnasium.  First, it started as a smattering woot, then the cheers and claps quickly grew louder, longer, and obscener.  One woman sitting near us screamed bloody murder, “That’s my baby!” repeatedly as her baby received his diploma.  That refrain was repeated several times after the first time throughout the crowd as different names were called.  Each time, the parent screaming, “That’s my baby!” put emphasis on a different part of the phrase.  “That’s my baby!”, turned into “That’s MY baby!”, then it turned into, “That’s my BABY!”, and so on, and so forth.  We get it, your kid is up there and achieved a noble goal.  Everyone is someone’s baby.  The behavior of the parents distracted from the formality of the ceremony which quickly devolved into something less than casual let alone formal.  One woman got out of her seat and started jumping up and down like she’d just been called to contestants’ row on The Price is Right and was about to meet Bob Barker.  She continued her incoherent screaming the entire time in either an attempt to embarrass her child or to make the event about her. Either way, she was successful in both attempts.

The speakers at this commencement ceremony included the Superintendent of the school district, the Salutatorian, and the Valedictorian.  I won’t go into the Superintendent’s comments.  I’ve heard more intelligible commentary from the current President of the United States and he’s not much more than a slightly warm corpse in front of the microphone.  It will suffice to say here that he conveyed many of the usual platitudes and congratulations that can be heard at a graduation exercise.

The poor Salutatorian was so nervous, that he spoke too quickly and mumbled the entire time with his lips physically on the microphone.  The audience couldn’t understand what he was saying, but it is decidedly unimportant because who can remember what was said at their graduation ceremony?  Something about, “This isn’t the end, it’s just the beginning” is usually uttered once or twice.  At least he was spared the humiliation of someone interrupting him and asking him to slow down or speak up because he couldn’t be understood.  I could envision that poor kid having an accident on stage or running off if that had occurred.

The Valedictorian was a female immigrant from Mexico with a Grade Point Average of 4.3+.  She talked about how her family gave up everything they knew to move to this country for a chance at a better life.  I overheard someone nearby comment that they had taught her and how she didn’t know any English when she first came here.  She talked about how she is the first generation in her family to attend college and that if she could do it, anyone could.  At the end of her speech, she pulled out a Mexican flag, waved it around, and wore it upside down over her shoulders as she left the stage like an Olympian who just received their gold medal.  In all fairness, I believe the flag being upside down was simply an accident. 

This girl is certainly an inspiration, but I was confused.  Why would she wave the flag of the country her family left?  Wouldn’t it be better to wave the flag of the country you came to?  The country that gave your family a chance at a better life.  The life, that arguably, is better now because you came here?  There is a sense of national pride but not for the nation that gave you all the freedoms and chances that your parent country couldn’t or wouldn’t afford you.

In summary, there was little ceremony in the commencement ceremony we attended.  It made me grateful for the experiences that I’ve had.  It also made me feel bad for the kids that won’t have the experience of the commencement ceremony. I suppose they’ll have to settle for the cheaper, knock-off version known as a graduation exercise.  To the graduates of the class of 2022, I will say this…Take some time to think about what you’ve achieved.  It’s okay to think about the ceremony as it occurred, but more importantly, think about what you and your fellow classmates have achieved.  Something missing from your graduation exercise was the solemnity, pomp, and circumstance.  Think about the word commencement; it means, to start.  Commencement is the beginning, not the end.  You are about to begin the journey of the rest of your lives.  This is where each of you will separate from one another to follow your individual paths.  You will stay in touch with some of your classmates, you will lose touch with some of them.  Some of you will leave the Eastern Shore never to return, some of you will never leave the shore.  You will never all be together in the same room again.  You’ve all achieved so much during your education thus far and it should be reflected upon with a sense of dignity and pensiveness.  That is what commencement is supposed to be about.  There will be time to have fun and party with your classmates, but in my opinion, it shouldn’t have been during what should have been your commencement; that’s for afterwards.  Take some time to reflect on what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling right now.  Jot down some of those thoughts and feelings as notes for future you to read later and consider.  Future you will thank you.  Finally, congratulations!  Well done!