Enjoy the nothing

I went for a walk today. I’ve been meaning to go for a walk for several days now but I hadn’t a chance to do so until today.

The whole time I was walking, I was struggling to be mindful and think about big impactful things. I’ve had a lot on my mind recently and this walk was going to give me the chance to either clear my mind and get right with the universe, or solve all the world’s problems.

No matter how hard I tried I could not think about big picture things. I could not focus on anything. The cool, crisp, autumn air, the smells and sounds of nature all around me, all the big ideas I’d had the last several days all slipped through my fingers the harder I tried to grab onto them.

Eventually, it occurred to me how hard I was grappling with all these feelings and ideas roiling around inside of me. I realized that I was so focused on my determination to understand a great truth that I missed out on all the lovely experiences and peacefulness from the first 2/3rds of my walk.

Chuckling at myself, I let go of everything in me and around me. I just walked and breathed not thinking about anything in particular. I silently repeated a mantra to myself, “enjoy the nothing”.

Sometimes, I worry about the sense of mindlessness I experience. Often, I find myself just sitting, looking at nothing, not thinking about anything, and not feeling any particular way. Then, I begin to feel bad about being mindless. I worry about all the things I should be thinking about or all the things I should be doing. This feeling envelops me completely and I become one giant ball of worry, anxiety, and depression.

It’s okay to enjoy the nothing. Worrying takes us away from the present and puts us in the past or future. When we’re focused on the past or future, we’re not focused on the present. This is most unfortunate as that’s all we really have.

Don’t worry about what’s past. Don’t become anxious about the future. Enjoy the present. Enjoy your burrito. Take a walk and enjoy the nothing. There is peace in the nothing. It’s quite a nice feeling.