Eric’s Blog

I’ve been in the Navy on Active Duty for 23 years and walking away in 62 days is going to be one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. Besides joining the Navy that is, that was terribly difficult. Imagine leaving your two-week old son and wife standing on a train platform crying as the train pulls away from the station. You’re whisked away to a major metropolitan city that you’ve never been in by yourself where you have to find a building, get to the correct floor and check in with the people that are going to put you on a plane the next day, fly you halfway across the country, keep you waiting all day, just to bus you onto a naval base after dark so you can be their willing prisoner for the next eight weeks. Talk about a culture shift.

Actually, boot camp is all about helping unwitting civilians learn and adopt the culture of the military. Too bad they don’t give you one when you get out of the service.

Instead, getting out involves sitting in classes where contractors and government civilians drone on ad infinitum about things that you don’t really care about, but the government has to put you through this because if you get out, become homeless, and then go on the news saying, “the Navy didn’t’ prepare me for real-life”, they have a PR nightmare on their hands. So they make you do all these things to be able to cover their asses and say, “nope, we did everything we could to prepare this individual and every individual for civilian life. See, here’s the paper this person signed.”

On a side-note, if you see a homeless veteran on the street asking for change, don’t help them. If they really are a vet, they have myriad ways of getting support and assistance, all they have to do is ask. If they’re actually a homeless vet, it’s because they choose to be. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying don’t help out your fellow human beings, but the chances someone on the street claiming to be a homeless veteran is actually what they claim to be is unlikely.

At any rate, culture shifts, power struggles, control issues, etc., are all difficult to get through. That’s why psychologists use the term adjustment issues on reports for people going through different phases of life. Either having kids, getting married, divorced, a spouse cheating on them, losing or getting a new job, etc., it all boils down to adjustment issues.

That’s what I’m going through at the moment. Giving up the things that I’ve been used to for the last 23 years. Leaving the power that I’ve obtained behind as I move into a new phase of life. Watching other people take over (or not) the slack that occurs in the wake of someone departing from the service. And yes, I’m a control freak. I wouldn’t be a good air controller if I wasn’t a control freak, so watching things left laying in the dust as I focus on what’s in front of me is a difficult thing for me to do. I want to jump in and pick up the slack and shout, “heave around”, to my fellow Sailors as we moor the proverbial ship up to the peer. But, I can’t do any of that now. It’s time for me to move on and if there’s a hole left when I leave, someone will have to jump in and fill it without me showing them what to do. If the group decides to move in a different direction than I’ve been used to for the last 23 years, then I have to be okay with that. I had a chance to make an impact and I did; I had to pick and choose the things that were important enough to require my attention and let go of the things that weren’t. There are times when I want to jump in and yell at everyone telling them how wrong they are for making the decision that they just made, but I can’t. It’s their Navy and their Mess now, and I have to let it in their hands.

I wish I had more time to make things better before I leave. I haven’t taken off my pack yet, but there is one strap on my shoulder, and the other is already off. I have to focus on the future, I can’t go back and change things that have already happened and I can’t be constantly worried about what’s going to happen when I leave. I have to focus on what’s in front of me and hope those I leave behind will fill in for me. If they do, great! If they don’t, oh well. I can’t live in the past, and the Navy is constantly changing. I feel sad for some of the people I am leaving behind. They’ll never have the same experiences that I had. They may have similar ones, but they won’t have mine. Some things will be good, some things will be bad, everything will be different and I’ll have to be okay with that. I did enjoy my time in the service though; I have some great memories and stories to share.

I keep telling myself…

It will never be like it was when I was in

I never want to be that old guy sitting at the VFW or American Legion telling sea stories and getting drunk at 3 in the afternoon. Querying or berating some active duty kid who just walked in about what the service is like now and how it was better in my day.

Change sucks. No wonder we all need therapy.