Self-care

Life is busy

My alarm goes off at 5:15 every morning. Some days, it is easier to get out of bed than others. I’ve found that if I do get out of bed when the alarm goes off, I have more time during the day to do the things that I want to do. Essentially, it all equates to this…dedication equals freedom. If I’m dedicated to getting out of bed when the alarm goes off instead of smacking the snooze button ad infinitum, then I have the freedom to do things that I want to do throughout the day.

Here’s another example…if I get my butt to the gym every day and work out like I’m supposed to, then managing my weight, my health, emotions, and my physical readiness are easier than if I don’t go to the gym. I’m dedicated to going to the gym, so I have more freedom in the long run. Conversely, if I don’t go to the gym, my health, emotions, weight, and physical readiness suffers, and someone will eventually come along and manage it for me.

Drive or be driven

I’ve been in the Navy for over 21 years. There are times when I just want to be told what to do, but I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older, I’m a more set in my ways than I used to be. Having someone come into my life and direct me here and there isn’t fun at all. I’d rather make decisions for myself and tell everyone else who tries to manage me to go kick rocks.

We have a saying in the Navy for this, “Drive or be driven”. What it means is that you can drive the problem, or someone else will come along and drive it for you. I like to think of it this way, I can either drive the bus and make decisions about where we’re going, how fast we get there, and what route we’re going to take. Or, I can be in the back with the rest of the window-lickers and let someone else make all those decisions. What I tend to forget is that there are times when I can choose which role to play, I can either drive or be driven.

Most times, I just default to what I’ve done all my life, driver. If someone doesn’t step up and take charge, then I’ll be that guy. You have to remember that people are inherently lazy, we’re like sound through the water, or electricity through a conductor, we’re going to take the path of least resistance. The problem with that is that when you do it once, people will just sit back and wait for you to take charge of the problem over and over again. Being in charge all the time can be difficult. It’s like herding cats, “everyone come here, stand just so, do this, don’t do that, etc”.

You have to make time for yourself

The everyday grind of being dedicated is painful. Get up, eat healthily, go to the gym, do this, don’t do that, take charge, lead this group, lead that group, etc. is extremely monotonous. Sometimes, I imagine myself as a police officer that directs traffic. At least that task comes with a modicum of rote memorization and procedural memory. Being a leader means you have to stay on your toes and be constantly flexible which becomes incredibly tedious.

I have to constantly remind myself that I have to be dedicated to myself. It is the only way I get the chance to take care of me. No one is going to do it for me; the best person to look after me is me. I’m the one who knows how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking at every moment of every day, so I’m the best one who knows when I’m getting close to my burn-out point and when to take steps to mitigate that from happening.

There are times when I’m so busy taking care of everyone else, that I forget about the one person I’m closest to…me.

Taking time during the day to do things just for yourself is important. Meditate for a ten minutes, making a cup of tea with no other distractions, going for a short walk, checking in with yourself to see how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way, taking a few extra minutes in the shower to relax, caging your mind, gathering your thoughts, etc. These things are all vital to surviving this crazy thing we call life. There’s no possible way you’re going to be able to do all the things in a single day if you’re not looking out for yourself first. I know it seems narcissistic, self-centered, selfish, etc., but honestly, no one is going to look out for you better than you. So do something nice for yourself; you deserve it.