Eric’s Blog

I knew that today was not going to go well, and whaddya know? Nailed it!

Now for the backstory which will be followed closely by the lessons learned today.

This weekend is Veterans Day weekend. Normally, this is something to look forward to because I get four days off in a row. The Navy refers to this as a 96 hour liberty and it’s the longest time they can give you off without having to take any leave (vacation) days.

I’d been eagerly waiting for some time off because things have been extremely busy around the office and the house lately. Just the other week, I’d commented to the missus about how we both work, “way too hard.”

Unfortunately, my family doesn’t get the same days off as I do; they only get the normal Saturday and Sunday off. Last week in the middle of a hectic day, the missus called the office and told me about an opportunity she had to go with the cheerleading team on the school bus to Richmond and it was going to count towards the hours she needs to complete her Master’s Degree. The only catch? It was this coming Saturday. Of course, I want to support her in her endeavor to obtain higher education, so I said, “yes.”

Thursday night, the Chief’s put on a dinner/dance for Veterans in the local area. The wife came to that event and we went home afterwards. Friday was a normal work day for everyone in the house except for me, and I took the day to do some work on creating my blog. Saturday was almost exactly the same as Friday, the wife was up and moving like it was a normal day for her; she had to be on the bus to Richmond first thing. Today was the first day where we didn’t have anything planned and could have done whatever we wanted.

After waking up, I played on my phone in bed for an hour, then decided to get moving because I knew I was up at that point and I didn’t want to bother the wife while she caught some extra sleep. I went to the living room to find that our daughter, Sarah, was already awake and we chatted about how we slept and what our plans were for the day. I commented to her that Mom would likely have homework or papers to grade since she’d been on the move for the last couple of days.

Shortly after making myself a cup of Earl Grey, the wife came out from the bedroom and said she’d been up for awhile too. She made breakfast for everyone and the kids cleaned up. During that time, the wife mentioned how she needed to get into class to finish up some projects she was working on. My daughter and I knowingly glanced at one another as the table was cleared.

After a few chores: I replaced the springs on our washing machine because it had been making a weird noise and the missus folded the laundry I’d washed yesterday. I made a comment about my face being itchy. Not to get long winded about it, but I’d switched shaving systems awhile back and it destroyed my face. I’ve had razor bumps, ingrown hairs, and whiteheads like I’m 14 years old again. The wife started going through the interwebs looking at different razors because mine needed replaced. After a lot of searching, we found that the nearest place to get the razor that I wanted was at Bed, Bath, and Beyond in Salisbury, about 45 minutes away from the house (one way). We jumped in the car and were off.

45 minutes there, 30 minutes in one store, 20 minutes in another, impromptu store, 45 minutes back to the house, and narry a word was spoken between the two of us. As we got closer to the house, I realized that tomorrow, Monday, Veterans Day, my wife and the kids would be back in school/work and I’d be by myself for the day (again). I started to become upset. I had four days off, and had barely spent any time with the family other than breakfast that morning and the lonely, quiet car drive to the store and back again. I said something to the wife after we got home and that’s when things really took a turn for the worse.

My wife had done a lot for the household that day, but she and I didn’t spend a lot of quality time together. She’s mad at me because she feels she did a lot to show her love and she thinks I don’t care. I’m upset because the things around the house that need doing are just functions of life and not spending quality time together. Dinner was incredibly quiet with not one word uttered between the four of us (the kids picked up on our bad moods the instant we set foot in the house). So now, I’m sitting here, by myself, in bed, typing up another blog post, and she is either upstairs with the kids, or in the living room by herself. Both of us are mad at the other for the lack of compassion and understanding for the other person.

I did a bit of thinking before I decided to share this post. I don’t want to make this blog about how negative things are in the world. If you want negativity, just look around; it’s everywhere! I want my blog to be something positive in this world. So here’s the positive…I love my wife. I do. We don’t always see eye to eye, but there it is, I love her. Here is the insidious part…I want to be loved. Don’t see it? Let me explain.

Life is all about suffering. Suffering is created when we crave things. I crave to be loved. When I feel like I’m not being loved the way I deem necessary, I become envious and/or jealous (they are two different things, look it up). The only way to rid yourself of suffering is to let go of the things you crave. If you have no attachment, you cannot have suffering. It’s sort of like what Yoda told Luke Skywalker, “Fear leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, suffering, the path to the darkside that is.” If you’re not a nerd like me and can’t handle the Star Wars references, this is what Buddhists call, The Four Noble Truths.

If I love my wife, then I just need to love her with no expectations in my heart, mind, or soul that she’s doing to reciprocate. This is unconditional love. I have to let go of the craving of wanted to feel loved in order to let go of my suffering. The realization is there, but it’s more difficult to achieve than you’d think. The only thing to do is to be mindful of how you’re feeling and let go of our attachment.